Firstly, I would like to say that I'm really thankful to have people looking out for me. I feel like I've fallen into a really deep deep hole and couldn't get out of it until now. (ok la maybe 3/4 of it but whatever moving on)
Secondly, I just realized how stupid am I. LIKE REALLY DAMN FUCKING STUPID. I really wish I could go back to those times when Ting, Yan, Ju, Yinn, Ber, Jo, ZG, Tommy, ZL where they really treat me genuinely like urgh idk how to put them in words but I can trust them so so much with all my heart and emotions wise. Why do people have to act like they care when they don't even care at all in the first place, why do people have to say things they don't mean at all. I started believing solemnly that he/she treats me the same way as I did as well, believing the words he/she said is true. However obviously its not the case. Well, I guess this is just a phase that everyone has to go through in life. All I can blame is my level of stupidity thinking that everyone on Earth is an angel, thinking that everyone is so kind and genuine which apparently it's not.
"I lie to myself just to make it bearable"
I always had to do this, by lying to myself, making everything better as the way it seemed. This brings nothing but more deeper scars. Trust me, don't do this.
A really big thank you to 2 guys that have enlightened me tonight. REALLY. One being the one who literally smack me hard with the harsh truth and I'm glad he did, cause I wouldn't have woken up if he didn't. Another being the one who never fails to crack me up with his jokes making me feel like all this is enough.
Lastly, I really wish I could get out if this shit hole. I feel like I'm going breathless each time I feel this way.
Night night to everyone out there, don't hide yourself under the blanket and cry to sleep anymore, I will pray pray for everyone who is having nightmares to not have them anymore ok? Sleep tight people. I love you all. I love my cliques and I hope they can remain as one. Although this person made me realize how stupid am I, but I don't hate you for that. I love Yan for knowing me so well that I don't have to say anything and she knows what I'm crying about, hugging me tightly knowing that when I start my irritating nonsense is just to make myself angry so I could escape myself from feeling sad and cry. I love flor's impromptu loving texts. I love how Joven cracks me up with his jokes (especially when he sends pictures of him kissing the potato and his countless potato drawings hahaha) whenever he sees me feeling/replying/talk differently (but got really damn obvious meh walao he damn genius lor) because he knows I won't confide to him. I love how Cyn types long paragraphs to talk some sense into me, being there for me and for tolerating my crazy emotions. I love CA, the one that never fails to answer my call. (cause I really love impromptu calls + I love talking on the phone lol) Loving how I always confide to him and he consoling till 5am (lol now that I recall, we really always talked till 5 lol) and waking up for school late the next day. I miss you Ting, you'll always be my no.1 in my heart. wo ai ni.
AND OMG I FOUND THIS ON MY TABLE THIS MORNING FROM MY MOMMY AND MEIMEI OMG :') (ok technically this morning that I'm referring to is 26th Feb 2014, cause I actually edited the post, lazy to come up with a new post for it) Really really blessed to have them around, but thn I feel a little embarrassed to let Mommy found out that I cried, urgh so much for acting happy whenever I reach home I LOVE MOMMY. Ok is damn cheesy omg but really, although I don't say this to mommy but I hope she can feel it.
Loved Desiree, xoxo ♥
No comments:
Post a Comment